Dear Mr Blackstone
Let me introduce myself formally, I am Chris, Currently
studying Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Land) at SIT Dover. I studied
Electronics, Computer and Communications Engineering previously at Nanyang
polytechnic, after which i found myself more inclined towards this
course to further my knowledge in this field.
There are various reasons why I chose to study in
this course; I feel that the course is more specialized as
compared to the others in other universities, and being a new course meant that it is something that has not been done before which triggered my curiosity to go for it.
I have great expectations for the job which I will be
working for after graduating from this course ie. SMRT, LTA. With reference to great expectations, it will be the problems i will face and experiences i will pick up along the way which will allow me to face the challenges of tomorrow.
Knowing the hectic life of working adults,i hope that i can still spare some time for my interest in sports and leisure reading.
Knowing the hectic life of working adults,i hope that i can still spare some time for my interest in sports and leisure reading.
If there are any other things which you are interested to
know, please feel free to ask.
Yours Sincerely
Chris
Revised on 190916.
Revised on 210916.
Commented on Jerry's blog.
Commented on Masyita's blog.
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Revised on 190916.
Revised on 210916.
Commented on Jerry's blog.
Commented on Masyita's blog.
Commented on Calvin's blog.
HI Chris
ReplyDeleteYour email is definitely well written. There is a flow in ideas, hence, it is a pleasant read. Your explanation for choosing this particular course to pursue is concise and shows a tad about your personality i.e. your intuitive side. This added a nice touch to the overall email.
However, I would like it if you are able to talk more on what is your career plan upon graduation. You stated that you have great expectations. It would be good if you can elaborate more on this.
Nevertheless, a great effort!
Masyita
Hi Masyita
DeleteI really appreciate your advice and will make improvements based on your advice.
Chris
Hi Chris,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your clear and concise email writing. You were very thorough in explaining the reasons you chose this course and you added an emotional aspect of communication. Such as how you shared that curiosity drove you to pursue this course.
I feel that you could improve your email writing even further by improving your sentence structure. As I feel you are using too many transitional words, Here are some examples:
1)"graduating from this course, which I hope that I could still" >>>>>>> graduating from this course. I hope that"
Instead of using transitional words such as 'which' to increase the length of your sentences, you could add more punctuation's. These helps to separate sentences and improve clarity.
2)I hope that I could still spare some time for my interest in sports and leisure reading knowing the hectic life of working adults >>>>>>> Knowing the hectic life of a working adult, I hope that I could still spend some time
I really enjoyed your post and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Hi Frankie
DeleteThank you for pointing out my mistakes, will work on it.
Chris
Thank you, Chris, for this concise and fairly clear letter. It provides us readers with insights into your study experience, interest in the SIT programme, and thoughts on the future.
ReplyDeleteThere are, of course, a few areas that could be improved. First, you need to change the font to normal and not italics. That will make reading easier for us. There are also some language issues:
1) Let me introduce myself formally, I am Chris, 22. >>> (run on sentence)
2) I studied Electronics, Computer and Communications Engineering previously at Nanyang polytechnic after which finding myself more inclined towards choosing this course to further my knowledge in this field. >>>
I studied Electronics, Computer and Communications Engineering previously at Nanyang Polytechnic, after which I found myself more inclined towards this course to further my knowledge in this field.
3) There are actually various reasons why I chose to study in this course. I feel that the course is more specialized as compared to the others in other universities, also being a new course meant that it is something that has not been done before which triggered my curiosity to go for it. >>> (run on sentence)
Please see https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/598/02/
4) By great expectations, i am referring to the problems i will face and experiences i will pick up along the way which will allow me to face the challenges of tomorrow. >>> (capitalization)
Let's work on these point.
Hi Brad
DeleteThank you for correcting me, i will work on those points.
Chris